So Close, Yet So Far

My smile would reach Heaven's peak
Whenever I see that glow on your cheek.
The pitch black darkness of my day
Would seem to lighten and fade away.

The scattered shards of my broken hope
Have been mended; now easier to cope.
All this, and others more, you have brought.
But it's not as great as I once thought.

Now that I feel my life passing by,
Everything that once was seems like a lie.
The sunset's beauty with its crimson hue
Now seems like coming danger imminently due.

A four-lined verse from a lover's hand
Feels meaningless, dull, and strangely bland.
Just the thought of you used to give me repose.
But now everything just comes and goes.

I realized then that you're just like a star.
You seem so close and yet so far.
But like a star, a dream that is silently stilled,
I shall not stop until 'tis fulfilled.

Imagine

I found this text while I was searching for the original version of "Song from a Secret Garden". It's so wonderful.



"Imagine...

Our world floating silently in space. Around it, a white dove flies-- forever circling. Every one hundred years, the dove's wing touches the face of the earth. The time it would take for the feathered wing to wear this planet down into nothing: eternity. But within eternity, time passes. Withing time there is change. Soon, the wing of the white dove will touch our world again. The dawn of a new century... a time for a new beginning."

Quotes on MOTHERS and FATHERS

I made this quote for my mother. She's loving and sweet, and I love her. Because of my love for her, I ended up making this...

Mothers are the closest friends their children can have. Even if the child grows up, a mother is always their. Time can never be turned back, and life only flows in one direction.

A mother is one of the biggest gems in a child's treasure chest--precious, valuable, priceless, and irreplaceable.

______________________________________________________

I love my dad, even if he is a kill joy at times. *giggles* Well, you know them, always tired but still going strong for their children...

Fathers are like bees that are always out looking for honey to keep their hive up and running. It's not that they want to spend so little time with their kids. They cherish their children. But if he doesn't work, his most precious gems would be buried in dust.

In the garden of a child's heart, the father blooms fully just right next to the mother.

Dawn Zephyr

From the west, a light breeze blows.
Caressing my face gently as it goes.
A soft whisper; a faint chill through my veins,
Euphoria I have found outside the fanes.

Slowly, as the world was yet in slumber,
I climbed the icy mountain path that made me shudder.
At its tip, I awaited the coming of the day.
I let my mind wander to the land of the Fay.

A world where war does not exist,
Where men of old never clench their fist;
Where 'battle' and 'blood-spill' are words untold;
This is my world. To all, behold!

Oh, but 'tis in vain that I speak of this.
For this world is but part of my creative bliss.
I am left with not other choice than to go back
To the truth that has left my road with a crack.

The wind had stopped, but it was still dark.
There was not light, not a single spark.
Feeling bereft of hope, I stood up with a sigh.
I looked out at the endless sky.

Just as I was about to lead myself astray,
To a warm tang of crimson the sky changes from gray.
The gentle breeze that enticed my senses,
It made me remember that I was beyond the fences.

With no trepidations, as I stood without a stir,
I knew that I was experiencing the dawn zephyr.

Thou Art

Thou art a dream fulfilled.
I see in thine eyes a world
where I am most contented.
In thee I find the peace
that my heart has yearned.

Thou art my sanctuary.
In thine arms I am secure.
I am not afraid.
My only fear is losing thee
and being out of thy hold.

Thou art a star.
Why dost thou seem to be
within my reach,
but still thou art out of my grasp?
Thy love illuminates my nights.

Thou art still a mystery.
From whence thou comest,
I do not know.
How thy sweet words ever took my heart
fills me with queries.

Thou art the keeper of my love.
Do not give it back to me.
I will not take it back,
even if thou wilst proclaim that
Thy heart hath had enough.

Thou art my world, my life.
A day without thee,
Oh, I would feel as though
I have been bereft of everything.
My breaths would seem to cease,
For losing thee would be like
being pierced by a spear with a poisoned tip.

Thou art my all.
I shall love thee 'til the end.

Totoo Nga Ba?

Tunay nga ba na ako'y nagpakatanga
Para mahulog sa iyong mga matatamis na salita?
Mangako man sa sarili'y hindi uubra,
Datapwat nabulag muli ang aking mga mata.

Malaman ang totoo ang tanging minimithi,
Upang hindi na mangamba ang puso kong muli.
Ang kabagabagan ng pag-ibig na ito
Ay hindi pa rin nasasagot sa kabila ng pagpupunyagi ko.

Well, you guys can translate it yourself.

Words Are Not Enough

I don't think saying "I love you" is enough
To prove to you that this is not a bluff.
Words can mean a lot of things,
which can sometimes lead to new beginnings.

But though some words are really sweet,
You must always be ready to accept defeat.
For how can I know it's true
If, before you do, you wait for a cue?

Still, I trust that pain is something I'd never feel.
In your arms, I know the feeling is real.

Across the Bay

The waves clash heavily with the rocks.
The sky all scattered with its blue hue.
The birds fly with their flocks.
They're free to soar without a cue.

The water stretches far over the horizon.
The palm trees sway with the breeze.
The south wind blows... unchanging direction.
The world and other things seemed to cease.

I see the dolphins jump in different ways.
To breathe the air is part of their needs.
But I would gladly trade my every day's
most precious belongings just to see the ocean beads.

Though, magnificent the earthly wonders may be.
To be part of the sea is what this heart has yearned.
Maybe someday I'll be a part of its epitome.
But for now, to love it is what I have learned.

Watching the world and its beauty unfold
Eternity would seem like a day,
For the seas, the oceans, and the skies are stories untold...
Stories that can never be revealed in just one say.

In the deepest trenches of the sea,
There are things that cannot be replaced in any other way.
In my mind, those that are hidden are what I see
As I watch the beauty unfolding across the bay.

Moonrise

Memories of the past long-forgotten come back.
Harmony--it's what our worlds lack.
The beams of light illuminate the night.
I was taken against my will, but without a fight.
I entered a realm that stretched beyond my sight.

Everything was in a state of serenity.
Nature was in essence with the world's fidelity.
But at that moment, the world was dark.
Still you could here the song of the skylark.
In my heart, everything there left a mark.

Music is what I heard through the rustling trees.
What I saw, more beautiful than France's Pyrenees.
Staying there seemed to set my heart on fire.
Going wherever I wanted became a worn-out desire.
That place was all I wanted to admire.

Trekking the forest by the lake, seeing the faint glow
Of the moon reflected by the water was quite a show.
Then the little creatures of the night came.
They helped me, in one way, get rid of all my shame.
I knew that if I left, nothing would be the same.

I realized that I was in this beautiful moon-dome.
Still, my heart yearned for my true home.
As I was leaving, I was caught by surprise.
The stars formed a message for me in the skies.
"Remember us always during every moonrise."

Northern Lights

The eerie and unearthly silence fills the air.
The wind--the only thing there is to hear.
But it is not the only thing to feel.

Staring at the spectrum of lights,
My shadow cast-off by the sudden spark,
The rest of the world seemed to disappear.

Looking at that sight made me feel small,
Knowing then that that is what I have always been.
But that, which has made me weak, gave me strength.

The different colors--beautiful and vivid,
Some of which were indescribable,
wrapped the skies with its magnificence.

My heart feels a certain kind of joy;
Joy that cannot be found in this mortal realm
Peace, serenity, solemnity... I have found.

A dream it may have been, but a dream so uncanny.
I bring myself back there in times of confusion.
Oh, how I wish I could truly see the Northern Lights.

The Prophecy of the Four

My friends and I are making a novel. I decided to make a poem for the prophecy.

The skies shall dim, the sun shall fade.
The birth of four in prophecy made.
Another terror shall awaken.
Darkness shall arise; goodness forsaken.

The urn from which darkness has been kept
Shall be taken from Linoia's depth.
The Darkrons' rule shall be spread.
Soon all of Trusmania will be dead.

The beauty of Nataraja; be buried in sea.
The freedom of Aeronia shall no longer be.
The peace of Natruana; be fillled with war.
The legend of Pyrothania shall be no more!

But in the midst of evil and darkness arisen,
The four shall meet and all bad things bad be ridden.
The queen of Neutrania shall once again rise.
The Dark Lords' rule shall end in demise.

Request Denied

... my angel ...

We walked beneath a starless sky.
Hand-in-hand in the deafening silence,
Looking up with eyes not dry,
thinking of ways to make a difference.

Darkness filled that lonely night.
The pavement was empty without a stray.
Then I saw a single star--our only light,
Giving me hope as you led the way.

Still, as we progressed, no word was spoken;
Feeling the guilt of the pain inflicted,
trying to mend the bridge that was broken.
Maybe it's better if I was convicted.

As the silence got awkward you held me nearer.
You drew closer to me and started to speak.
You whispered words that couldn't be clearer.
They were enough to make me feel weak.

'Forget about me,' that's what you said.
You gave me reasons that were hard to debate.
But I couldn't just bypass the road that you led.
It is engraved in my heart that you are my fate.

I told you that consequences are inevitable,
and the only thing we needed was faith.
The problem we had wasn't irreparable.
We just couldn't leave everything in a mindless state.

You told me in a pleading voice
That that was your final request.
You wouldn't even give me a choice,
And to me, this was the hardest test.

I could never say "yes" to what you have asked,
And so I started to run without looking back.
My tears, the pain... everything masked,
Realizing then that it was patience I lack.

Though the kiss you gave me was sweet,
It wasn't enough to convince me.
And how can I forget if, once again, we meet?
You're already a part of my life's epitome.

I deny your request. I can't let you go,
For I love you more than you will ever know.

"How can I ever forget if almost every single thing that I see, hear, and feel brings back the memories that you want to erase from the past so badly?"
- Isabelle Natasha D. Torres

Irreplaceable

dedicated to:
TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS IN THE WORLD!
Especially to my best friends:
Maxine Bianca Avila
Merbin Aaron Labarda
Clarisse Guarin
Kimberly Tobias



You are the one who makes my day,
And bring me sunshine when skies are gray.
My world would be dull without you here.
Your voice is the sound I always want to hear.

Happiness is the best gift you have given to me.
But sadness reigns when you just let me be.
I need you right here beside me, that's true.
I just don't know how to live a life without you.

Flowers are more vivid with the joy you bring.
It's as if I can hear the sky lark sing.
A broken rainbow is always complete through my eyes.
Because of who you are; forget about their lies.

I'll always be with you until the end.
You're not my lover, you're my friend.
If you asked me to go, I'd become unstable.
You're one of a kind; you're IRREPLACEABLE!

Just Emoting...

Apologies seem irrelevant now.
Sadness is futile.
The broken bond seems irreparable.
Your efforts to mend it is laudable, but the rapport is badly ruptured.

How can you sustain a life that is already heading into oblivion?
Must there be someone to expedite it?
Suffice it to say, we all have had these moments.
These moments that we feel like hope is itinerant, and that it will never reach us.

One more question... this question has been asked once.
I only desire to repeat it.
'Can a heart still break once it has stopped beating?'

I would give everything to get rid of these... these tremulous emotions, even if it were for only a day.


This is what happens to me when I'm in a state of emotional flux.

Flowers We Are

My life as it is.

The blue skies are hidden in clouds.
Rain drops to fall are imminent.
Buds shall be released from their shrouds.
No more will they feel impotent.
But what becomes of this flower
if it's without it's stalk and leaves?
Death be it's fate altogether.
'Twill not witness the days and eves.
It shall be bereft of beauty,
Condemned to pain and suffering.
Meanings lose their lucidity,
experiencing qualms unending.
But hope still remains for this one,
as to all of us in this Earth.
All it needs is water and sun.
Stem, roots, and soil brings all the mirth.
We are flowers; anywhere delves.
But can't live only with ourselves.

Smile :)

A quote by yours truly ;) dedicated to My Angel.

"Your smile leaves me with an eddy of emotions swirling in my mind. But among the crowd of feelings that fill my heart, LOVE is the most dominant of them all. My only desire is to see you smile. For whenever you do, life seems more bearable."

You know, guys, I can make a poem out of this quote I made. I'm working on it. ^_^

Neglected

This is for JPB... I was hurt, okay?! :(

I needed a friend, but you sent me away.
Now I’m stuck here wondering what to say.
Should I say “sorry” for disturbing your call?
Maybe it’s best to say nothing at all.

That time, you were the only one online,
Thought you could help with a problem that was mine.
But I only got neglected, I feel so unprotected.
A bridge that broken; before it had spoken.

Getting hurt, I didn’t mean to feel.
But it’s just too hard to break a deal,
the deal of friendship to help when in need.
Not to trample their hearts without any heed.

Here I go again with my selfish recollections,
thinking only about myself and my friendly obsessions.
But I want you to know that my intentions are clear.
I only want to make a friend for me to hold dear.

My Special "Thank You"

Another poem for Kuya Pat. ^_^

Sometime ago, I made a new friend.
But as the time passed it felt near to an end.
Then I realized it wasn't in the replies,
But in the so-called "companionship" that never dies.

I wrote a poem for this friend which is something not new to me.
I know it's really not as much as a beautiful soliloquy.
But I was truly surprised when he said he was sorry.
I really didn't mind and there was no need for an apology.

In him I saw true patience's meaning,
And that a friend must wait without complaining.
I've been given a chance to thank him for that.
With this poem, of course, which is for his eyes to look at.

I guess now you're wondering who this is for and why.
Well, let's just say he's my friend named John Patrick Bagalay.

Thanks, Kuya Pat! ^_^

My Friend That Seldom Replies

I know I don't really make special menti0ns to any of my works. But this one... haha... this was really meant for someone. No teasing, okay? I was a bit annoyed with that person while making this poem. But I was laughing while I was making this.

I have a friend that seems really nice,
But sometimes stops replying like a block of ice!
It's easy to spot him, even with just an eye.
And he's right there! His name's John Patrick Bagalay.

He's fun to chat with, but that's seldom for me.
Because he chats with his other friends, you see.
But I really don't care if he doesn't reply.
Because I know he's my friend, and I said this without a sigh!

Patrick, or as I'd like to call him, Kuya Pat, rarely replies to any of my messages because he chats with his other friends. That's why I made this poem.

Thoughts and A Promise

Last night in the quiet of the night
I was taken somewhere beyond my sight.
I was brought to a place so peaceful and quiet.
And what a surprise! It was where we first met.

I suddenly remembered that I had a lot of work to do,
And that it was not the time to be thinking of you.
But how I could forget that you were
Is something that my mind would surely err.

There my mind was caught by something in the dusk,
It smelled as sweet as the fragrant musk.
Oh, how I wished you were there to show me you care,
Because I was really starting to miss you beyond compare.

A thought suddenly came that made me feel grim.
And everything around me started to dim.
What if you did not want to see me again?
It was a thought that made me want to go to heaven.

Again, another thought came to me.
Thinking that dying now shouldn't be.
For I have made a promise that I would never leave.
And with this, I slept gently, but with tears, in the eve.

Another Rhyme

I wrote this when My Angel and I had our WORST argument ever! It really, really made me sad. That's why I wrote this.
See? I really get inspired when I'm sad. But that doesn't mean I should always be sad to write my poems.

-For A Dying Soul; A Broken Heart-
I try to stop myself from crying,

But every day my soul is dying.
Why did I get my hopes too high?

Why do we have to say good bye?

Lihim na Paghangad

This is the first time I've tried to make a poem in my native language. Strange, huh? My favorite subject has always been English. I've never really been that fond of Filipino. But then I realized... I AM A FILIPINO. I should be proud of that. That's why, starting today, I'm going to read more Filipino prose and poetry to help me make better poems than the one you are about to read.

Kailan ko kaya mararamdaman

Na ako'y hindi lamang buto't laman?

Ang kaluluwa ko'y gustong lumipad,

At sa mga ibon ito'y maihantulad.

Mararanasan ko pa kaya ang kapayapaan
Na pinaghirapang makamit ng mga bayaning hinahangaan?
Dahil sa isipan ko'y ako pa rin
Ay nakakulong tulad ng isang salarin.

Kakayanin ko pa kaya ang sakit na ito
Na nadarama ng aking mahinang puso?
Tayo'y laging nakararanas ng paghihinagpis,
Ngunit ito'y ating dapat matiis.

Sa mga makababasa ng tulang ito,
Sana ay mahanap na ninyo
Ang tunay na hangad ng inyong mga damdamin
At kaligayahan na higit sa dagat na malalim.


Translation:

" When will I ever feel
That I'm not just bones and flesh (actually, 'laman' literally means 'organ')?
My soul wants to fly
And to the birds be compared.

Will I ever experience
The freedom that our heroes fought hard to gain?
Because in my mind I am still
Imprisoned like a criminal.

Can I still endure this pain
That my poor heart is feeling?
We always experience [can't think of the right word for 'hinagpis']
But this, we have to face.

To every one that will be able to read this poem,
I hope that you will find
The true desire of your souls
And find happiness deeper than the ocean."

Just the Two of Us

I first saw you as a lonely traveler with the gentle gaze,
And you helped me get through that dreaded winding maze.
When we got out the rain did fall upon my already dampened cheek
That smelled of salty tears which from my eyes did leak.

You sheltered me from the storm and kept me from harm's way
As the cold wind did howl and the trees did sway.
You sang me a song, a nostalgic melody that resonated me softly,
And as I listened to your voice, I felt my world fill with serenity.

The rain had stopped, the clouds dropped, and the sunset gave a sign
That evening had almost come, a night that would be so benign.
We watched the sun setting and listened to the gentle breeze.
But my eyes were caught by your smile that made my heart freeze.

It was getting late and I knew that we had to part.
Meeting you made me fall and, from you, I could not depart.
I realized then that my heart was beating not to give me life,
But because it had found the one who it can die for from a knife.

We bid each other farewell and my forehead you did kiss.
Oh, that soft caress that kept me alive, I would truly miss.
I will never forget this day, the day that I met you.
But now we really must part, for the sky is showing it's indigo hue.

That night, I looked up at the ceiling, lying on my bed,
And thoughts of you suddenly came rushing through my head.
I remembered your sweet melody and I fell into a deep slumber,
And I dreamt that we would meet again and be together forever.

My dreams that were, oh, so sweet brought me to a place
Where our feelings would never disappear, and our lives filled with grace;
Just the two of us going beyond that distant ocean and sky
And with the birds, we soared high and passed the world by.

I woke too early without the sun in sight,
And it was still so dark, it almost felt like night.
Then my eyes became wide for I saw you standing there,
I thought I was dreaming, and at first, it gave me a scare.

You looked at me with your crystal gaze and all my doubts did fade.
You came closer to me and recited me a poem that you had made.
You told me through that poem that you had loved me from the beginning,
And with a kiss you sealed your words, and I could hear that my heart was singing.

Never Again

I'm not an EMO, OK? I just get inspired to write poems when I'm sad, that's all. I know this poem might make me seem like an EMO, but believe me, I'M NOT!

I can never again show my smile,
Even if I was traveling through the river Nile.
For they have taken away my dignity
And called me names clandestinely.

I can never again show what I can really be,
For they have only seen a monster in me.
Criticism, that I can still accept.
But they have gone beyond the depth.

They keep telling others that I am a liar
Like I was some sort of voyeur friar.
They say things about me without my consent.
With what they do, can they never be content?!

Never again can I see the trees
Differently from what the others sees.
Nor can I call myself a lover of life
If all of the world would only bring me strife.

Never again can I look upon a little bee
With the same perspective I have of the sea.
I can never again look at the stars and say,
"Tomorrow will be another day."

Never again can I embrace every hour
Like I would take care of my self-planted flower.
But never again will anyone see me cry,
For my heart is almost ready to die.


Well, I guess you can easily figure out what my problem is. Today, August 20, '09... let me just say... I HATE THIS DAY!!!

Constant and Inevitable

The night has come once more to fill our lives with serenity.
But my hours pass with a very deep uncertainty.
There is this one thought that comes to me every night.
It makes me lose the clarity of my sight.

Oh, beseech this damnable thought that has encumbered me!
What must I do so that, from my mind, it shall flee?!

Change-- my inevitable friend and foe.
Why do you haunt me with thoughts that make me woe?
Is it not enough to take over my life?
You are just too sharp! Sharper than a knife!

You are sometimes as warm as the North Wind's back,
Which has the peace that our world still lack.
But there are times that you are as cold as it's outer breeze,
Which makes everyone feel ill at ease.

You are as constant as the stars,
And can destroy a prison's iron bars.
You will always be with eternity,
And will flow beyond infinity.

A Memory Almost Forgotten

I was studying for the upcoming exam. It was August 2, '09, Sunday, about 10:30PM. I think I was studying for my Social Studies subject. I was deep in my studies when I remembered something from the past. Read further to find out what it is.



It was back in 2001. My grandmother died because of Colon Cancer...

During the first days of her death ceremony, I don't know why, but I just wasn't sad. But on the before her burial, I suddenly realized that she was out of my life forever, and that I was never going to see her loving face, hear her tender voice and feel her caring touch again. I cried so hard that night.
The next day, we went to the church for her burial rites. It was my second time to be in a catholic church. The first time was when I was a flower girl at my aunt's wedding.
I can still remember approaching Lola Tessie's (her real name was Teresita) coffin and placing a hand-made card on top of the glass that covered her pale dead body. I always thought that she would be able to read it once she reaches heaven. I'm still hoping for that...
Watching her coffin being buried was one of the saddest days of my life.


I miss grandma so much. I'm "wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near..."
I don't know what made me remember her on that night. But I'm glad I did. I'd almost forgotten that time.

Liaison

For My Angel

Together, every moment that we spend,
Brings my heart closer to it's mend.
I've realized that you're more important to me,
Than the great ocean is to the wide open sea.

The liaison that the two of us have formed,
Has fixed everything that evil has stormed.
And though the rain still falls and the ground shall shake,
My love for you will never break.

And although our love is clandestine,
It shall be as strong as it has always been.
I know that we share this feeling mutually,
And that we will never destroy each others dignity.

"Oh My Gosh!" Moment

I just read one of my old posts entitled "When You Say You Love Me", and oh my gosh! I can't believe I said those things. They were so... passionate. I never realized that I really loved him (HeartKeeper) that much. My eyes became WIDE. I... I... Oh my gosh! I'm speechless!!!

If you, whoever you are, haven't read that post yet, then READ IT!!! Don't read the song. Read the love letter under the song lyrics. I just can't believe I said those things.



You know, I've fallen in love only twice, and I've realized something... Want to know what it is? Well, I become inspired to write the things that I post here on my blog mostly because of love. My specialty when I was still in love with HeartKeeper was writing love LETTERS. But now, as I am learning to love my Angel, I'm inspired to write POEMS. I guess, the test I took was right. I was meant to take up literature as my college course.


Well, just wanted to post something. Nothing special about this post. Haha.

Who is HeartKeeper?

To my dear readers,

You might ask me who HeartKeeper is. Well, I've decided to reveal to all of you what his real name is and what he WAS in my life.

HeartKeeper... His real name is John Paul A. Galsim, and he's my ex-boyfriend. My parents never knew about us, and I'm hoping that they never will. If they did, I don't think that they'd ever trust me again. Okay, so maybe it's fine if they find out. But not now. Maybe after 10 years or so. Oh, yeah, that'll be a great time for them to find out, because I'd already be an adult then. JUST NOT NOW!!!

So here are a few things that I have been dying to say ever since we broke up:

1) I thought John Paul was a nice guy, at first, but as the time passed he became more and more contentious! That made me start conversations that were very macabre. I mean, he made me so sad that I kept thinking 'bout commiting suicide!

2) I really loved him. :( But now I don't! :D

3) He promised me that he'd teach me how to play the guitar! But I guess that promise was made to be broken (like all of his other promises).

4) He told me that he loved me, but I learned that when we were in the 4th month of our relationship he already wanted to break up with me... and we reached 6 months!

5) I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but he is a bit of a voyeur!!!!!!! (To those of you who don't know what that means, please, don't ask me.)


Woo! It's really nice to express feelings that you've been keeping for soooooo long. Well, thanks for reading this post. :)


P.S. About 'my angel', we're not together and we are not dating. And no, I won't tell you who he is yet. :)

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for everything that I did wrong,
For turning this into a very sad song.

I'm sorry for not being the person you wanted me to be.
But I just can't change who I am, you see.

I'm sorry for almost ruining your life,
For having you go through this terrible strife.

I'm sorry for sometimes being untrue.
I'm sorry for not being the right person for you.

I wrote this when my angel and I had a very terrible misunderstanding. I don't know why, but he really inspires me to write these poems. He's a bigger inspiration for me than you-know-who. And frankly, my feelings for my angel are deeper than the ones I felt when I was still in love with h-i-m.

My Bane

A short poem I wrote when I was sad because our English teacher was mad at us. This was original written to be separate poems (stanza 1, and stanza 2 & 3). I dedicate this to you Mr. Winter.

I wake up at dawn from terrible dreams
That were caused by what has been happening, it seems.
Though I try to shed some light so that I may understand,
My knowledge is a thin as a single hair strand.

Tears are now meaningless.
My life becomes worthless.
I have truly gone insane,
And I know that sadness will be my bane.

I sing a lament for a dying heart,
Which makes it's death turn into a sad musical art.

Patience

For you, Mr. Winter.

There are just some things that we may never understand.
But we all must give each other a hand.
We have to face this world with our spirits high.
And it's really okay to come out with a sigh.
Patience...

Though, day by day, our hearts get heavier,
We must keep our hopes and faith together.
And if our minds would tell us "no",
Our hearts would help us get through the sorrow.
Patience...

We have no knowledge of what might become of us.
But we must not give it too much of a fuss.
And now, all we have to do is wait,
Wait for our unknown and mysterious fate.
Patience...

Never Shall I Feel This Way Again

A Prose-Poem for my angel.

Oh, what have you done to this fragile heart,
which swore to never love again?
For, once again, I see the light
That had freed me from that dark abyss.

You tell me things that are hard to believe,
Especially the ones about how you feel.
But even though I took an oath
My heart still opened when you knocked.

You brought back my faith in God,
The faith that was already fading.
You helped me realize what life is about,
and that it's really worth living.

My dreams were washed away by my tears,
and these tears made me think that it was better to die.
But you lent me your strength when I had none,
And you gave me hope to once again see the sun.

They say that whenever you fall in love,
It's never the same as the ones you felt before.
That's why I want you to know
That I'll never feel this way again.

You, my angel, as I call you,
Have said that you've only inflicted pain upon me,
But 'tis after we have gotten hurt
That we gain the strength to go on.

My love for you, your love for me,
I don't know how long 'twill last.
But you have shown me affection greater
Than the ones that came before.

Oh, my dear one,
You'll forever remain in my heart.
For I can never forget the person
Who made me believe in the beings from above.

These words that I have to say,
I have told you many times before,
But I will say them again.
I love you.

I shall now end this with a sigh,
And with no trepidations at all.

Some Rhymes

Ha ha! Here are some rhymes that I wrote for my angel a few nights ago. I just thought that I should post them here.

-Sweet and Neat-
Sugar is sweet.
Candy is neat.
But you're sweeter
And neater,
And have made made my life complete.


-No Fun-
Life wouldn't be fun without you around.
It would be empty without a single sound.


-Wingless Angel-
I'm in love with an angel that has no wings,
And I'd gladly choose him above all other things.


I know, I know! Ha ha! It's a bit cheesy, but hey, I think I have fallen in love with my angel.

-Isabelle

Angels by Robbie Williams

This song is about loving angels and believing in them. I think this song is just perfect for me! *giggles* I believe angels and I certainly love them. I wish more people believed in them. They'll never forsake you, you know. *smiling happily* By the way, I'm changing the SHEs to HE. What? I'm a girl after all. And my angel is a guy.

I sit and wait,

Does an angel contemplate my fate?

And do they know

The places where we go

When we're gray and old?

'Cause I've been told

That salvation lets their wings unfold.

So when I'm lying in my bed,

Thoughts running through my head

And I feel that love is dead

I'm loving angels instead.

And through it all he offers me protection,

A lot of love and affection,

Whether I'm right or wrong.

And down the waterfall,

Wherever it may take me

I know that life won't break me.

When I come to call he won't forsake me.

I'm loving angels instead.

When I'm feeling weak

And my pain walks down a one-way street,

I look above

And I know I'll always be blessed with love.

And as the feeling grows

He breathes flesh to my bones

And I feel that love is dead

I'm loving angels instead.

And through it all he offers me protection

A lot of love and affection

Whether I'm right or wrong.

And down the waterfall,

Wherever it may take me

I know that life won't break me.

When I come to call he won't forsake me.

I'm loving angels instead.

And through it all he offers me protection,

A lot of love and affection,

Whether I'm right or wrong.

And down the waterfall,

Wherever it may take me

I know that life won't break me.

When I come to call he won't forsake me.

I'M LOVING ANGELS INSTEAD.

Well, what can I say? I really am falling in love with angels.

Angels Are Real

Angels are always there,
This, to you, I swear.
For an angel has been guiding me,
Through my rough and endless journey.

He cares, oh, so much,
I never thought there was as such.
But now I know that there really is
A caring angel in a world like this.

He makes everything seem so benign
That I forget almost every sign
Of our world's very near end,
And His Son, to this world, God shall soon send.

All my trepidations disappear,
For I know that my angel is always near.
I never have doubts, I am never afraid,
Because even 'til now, he has, with me, stayed.

Angels, you know, are truly real
And this, for a fact, I know a very great deal.
See him for yourself if you still have doubts
Because I'm tired of hearing your whines and seeing your pouts!

Before this poem ends, I would like all of you to know
That I have learned to love this angel without a single woe.

Paint is FUN.

I call this "Le Coeur A Ses Raisons Que La Raison Ne Connait Point" which means The heart has reasons that reason knows nothing of.

I made this as an abstract. See the heart in the middle? The different colored lines are the reasons of the heart. The black background is reason itself.

Okay, so I did this out of my rage for emo's. I really don't like the fact that they'll hurt themselves with those blade of theirs just because they got their hearts broken. I mean, it's ridiculous. There are so many people out there. They should know better than to try to commit suicide! It's foppish, very foppish. If their hearts got broken, well, that means God didn't choose that person for them. God knows what he's doing. So trust Him.

I was inspired to do this because of David Archuleta's charity song entitled "Let's Talk About Love." It's such a wonderful song. You guys should listen to it.

This is entitled "Meadow". You see, I was looking outside our window and saw our very beautiful tree. That's why I made this. I love trees and nature. Oh, how I wish I could be more better with Paint. I know I'll improve... somehow.

Well, those have been my works so far. Hope you liked them.

Too Serious?

I never noticed it before, but now I do. I can't believe this. Most of my posts are waaaaaaay TOO SERIOUS. I'm not even that serious, right? Right?

...

No? What?! I am serious? Well, sure, I look serious sometimes, but I don't think I'm too serious. But maybe I am! A lot of people have said that I looked and was serious. But... but... but... Nooooooooo!!! Let's see. I like to laugh. I'm not a good joker, though. I don't like teasing and insulting my friends, and I laugh when they insult me. See? I'm not too serious. I like to laugh. Don't tell me that that still makes me too serious. But you know, a friend once told me "The world would be terrible if everything was all fun and games. Sometimes, we just have to be serious to think straight." Well, I think he said that. (LOL)

Well, I guess YOU'd have to judge whether I'm too serious or not. Au revoir.

What are you staring at?!

Why do people stare at me? I mean, what is there to stare at? I know, I know. For other people, it's alright to stare and be stared at. But not for me, it sometimes freaks me out. Sure, the attention I'm getting is like the attention that popular people get, but still, it's freaky. I'm not even popular! Okay, so maybe I don't know that for sure. But again, it's freaky. People staring at you like they want to eat you or do something nasty to you, ugh.

My mom says the reason people stare at me is because I'm pretty. Yeah, okay, stare at the pretty-girl. Why can't they just look or glance? Why do they have to stare. To be honest, I'm not even THAT pretty. See for yourself.

See? Not pretty at all.

...

...

...

Okay, you got me! Sheesh... Nobody would be dumb enough to see that that was really how I looked.

...

No! I am not going to post a REAL picture of me here. It's embarrassing. Most people tell me "Oh, you're so cute" and "You're adorable". I wish they could say the same thing when they see my height. I'm tall for my age. Well, that's what most people say. But I guess you can only apply that here in the Philippines. Most people here are puny (no offense).

Back to the stares. Okay, so, I really, really get annoyed when people stare at me. I get conscious when I walk. But I guess I'd have to get over that, huh? Oh, well. Thanks for reading my nonsense. Adieu! (LOL)

Good Night, My Angel

I wrote this poem for a friend of mine before he slept. I call him "My angel" for reasons that would take a very long time to explain. Maybe I'll get a chance to tell you about him, but for now I'm just going to post the poem that I made for him.


Tonight, I wish for thee
To have dreams of happiness and repose.
And as thine eyes close for slumber,
May thee see the loved one in which thy heart chose.
So sleep now, my sweet angel,
For a dream awaits thee
That was meant for one so gentle.
And from these dreams thy eyes shall open,
When the sun rises at a time it has chosen.


Yeah, I know. It's not like me to post short compositions like this, but what the heck. I love my angel, but not in the very intimate way like the love I once felt for HeartKeeper. Who knows? Time changes everything. But for now, he's still a friend.

Dost Thou Love Me Still?

Dost thou love me still, my sweet?
For in thine eyes I have seen
The same regret that hath been haunting me.
How long hath it been
Since thy heart and mine have separated?
Thou sayest to me
That only a moon hath passed since that day.
But for me it seems like an eternity.

The days pass,
and I feel a somewhat emptiness inside of me
Without thy presence.
The thought of thee
Has encumbered the very moments of my life.
These thoughts have made my existence
An ever more sorrowful one.
The guilt of having to keep my love for thee a secret,
Or of having to conceal the truth of every kiss,
Has been troubling my dreams as I slept every night.

I saw thee once again earlier this morning.
I tried to hide the emotions I had
As I saw thee for another time
As the light that lit my way out of the dark abyss
From whence I have been kept.
And so I asked in a whimpering voice
as if addressing the wind,
"Dost thou love me still, my sweet?
Where art thou,
The one who has shown me how to love?"

Thou did not hear the words that I uttered,
But as thee caught a glimpse of me,
The expression in thy eyes changed into rage.
Why dost thou look upon me
As if I was an unwanted foe?

Dost thou love me still?
For I feel that I still love thee.

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two Roads diverge in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

Took the less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Life gives us so many decisions to make, and it gives us the right moments to make those decisions. We must be wise when choosing, for the ways we take will affect our lives.

One must not always choose the easier-looking path. How would you ever feel the joy or learn the lessons in making efforts if you would take the easy road? It is true that there are many hardships in life, but these hardships are laid in front of us to learn and, not only to gain intellect, but to gain wisdom as well. It is the difference between knowledge and experience that makes life so beautiful.

-Isabelle

"Consider the paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm"

Prov. 4:26

As I Sit Beside the Window...

It was a rainy day and I didn't have anything to do, so I sat beside our window. I enjoyed looking at the people with umbrellas. It made the street look colorful. So here's a poem I made. Pardon me if it's not one of those romantic poems. I made it for the children.


The sky looked livid with shades of faded gray
As the clouds shed tears on this gloomy day.
But though the sun shines not on this summer morning
People still go out, still hard-a-working.

I sit beside the window made from the wood of a willow
Looking at the raindrops fall.
Then my sight was caught by this old widow
With a broken umbrella and all.

Still more folks came passing by
With umbrellas of different sorts.
The designs were all colorful, but one was hard to explain.
There was even a 'brella that looked like a lion's mane.

My eyes were then turned to our very old tree,
Which has always been there for all eyes to see.
It looked brilliant compared to the things I saw below,
As I sit beside the window made from the wood of a willow.

No More Killing! No More WARS!

I stumbled upon a very disturbing article today on Yahoo! News. It was entitled "Could the U.S. Be Drawn into a New Korean War?". Every word, every sentence, every paragraph made me lose my breath. It felt as if my heart stopped beating for a moment as I was reading it.

Ever since I was a young girl, I've always wanted our world to be filled with peace and justice. Hearing about wars made me tremble not with fear but with sadness. I mean, what's the point of fighting anyway? All it does is kill, destroy, and kill even more.
Is one argument between two country leaders worth the lives of so many innocent civilians that weren't even aware that such an argument was taking place? Is personal ego worth the destruction of properties and homes that so many people have worked so hard for? I say NO! Wars are as senseless as the minds of the people who start them.

Back in the 20th century, so many people died because of these senseless wars. It was even named "A Century of War" because of the unending battles that took place. If people don't start opening their senses to what's really happening around them, many more innocent civilians will die.
We say we're so civilized compared to the people of the centuries that have long passed, but do civilized people kill? "We kill for a reason." That's what they say. But didn't God say "Thou Shall NOT Kill"? Even if they did have a reason, what would they gain because of their actions? NOTHING! Only the guilt that will forever haunt their souls.

These killings, these wars will never solve anything. They will just bring misery to everyone. If a war does end and the battle is won, one who served the army might have that feeling of joy because of their success. But in the years to come, they will realize that what they did was wrong and that their is no honor in killing one's fellow man.

Peace, justice, hope, faith, and love... those are what our world needs the most.

In Love With My Best Friend

-Short Introduction-

Another dream.

My best friend, um... let's call him Nicholas, came to my house for a visit. I wasn't really expecting him, because I thought that he was only joking when he said that he'd be coming over. Surprised as I was to see him, I still welcomed him in.
I introduced Nicholas to my family (parents, siblings, and grandfather), and he immediately formed a bond with them, especially with my father. It felt strange to me, because none of my friends ever formed a close bond with my family before.
My parents liked him for the reason that he was kind and humble, and that he had the same religion as us (excluding grand papa). Grandfather liked him for his mathematical and business skills.

Seeing that Nicholas was tired from his travel, I let him stay in my room to rest for a while. It didn't bother mother and father at all. They already trusted him when he came. But when they found out that he was my best friend they trusted him even more.
There we were in my room... alone. Just the two of us. And although he was my best friend, it felt to me awkward to be alone with a boy in my own room.
We were sitting apart from each other at both ends of my bed. Nicholas started moving closer and closer. As he was nearing me, I began to get nervous. My heart started pounding harder like a drum being beaten by a lunatic that I thought everyone in the house could hear it. Then my siblings came barging in (the little scoundrels) and dragged Nicholas outside with them. I decided to let my siblings have him for a while.

While Nicholas was with my siblings, I joined mother and father at the dinning table. We spoke about matters concerning school and other things that parents and their children usually talk about at dinner.
When I finished eating, I immediately went upstairs, instead of playing the piano like I always did after dinner, to see how things were going with the guys (Nicholas and my siblings). They were in front of the computer. I gave them a quick glance and started walking to my room. But just as my hand grasped the doorknob I realized what I saw. I went back to them and saw my little sister playing Counter-strike, a multi-player game that was really unfit for someone as young as my sister, like a pro. Apparently, Nicholas had taught my sister how to play. Seeing that nothing was really wrong, I went to my room.

"Huh?" I thought.

I was confused when I entered my room. Not because my room was more messed-up than before, but because of the fact that some of my classmates were there! To be more specific, the NEW JICKS (I'll quote you on this later). I asked "I" a question that didn't seem fit for the moment. Instead of asking her what they were doing there, I asked her this:

"Um... Do you think it was right for me to welcome Nicholas into my house?"
"You decide. It's your house. Why?" answered "I" with a very puzzled look on her face.
"Um... well, because he's in our living room." I said, flushed. Red patches started to appear on my face. I felt embarrassed. But I didn't know why I was.
Unable to contain myself any longer, I ran out of room to get away from the NEW JICKS.

In an instant, day turned into night. Nicholas was still at my house. I didn't want him to travel by night, because it wasn't safe and that he had a long way to go, so I decided to let him stay 'til tomorrow. The downside of this was that he had nowhere to sleep. Father told me that he should sleep with me in my room!

It felt very, very awkward to be lying next to a boy that wasn't a member of our family. My bed was small so we were close to each other. I was facing the wall, while he was facing my back. I'm not sure whether he was asleep or not, but I suddenly felt his hand clutching me. He pulled me closer to him. I felt like a teddy bear. Just then, my heart started beating faster and faster. I turned to him. My chest was on his. At that moment, I felt his heart beating with mine. I cuddled him and held him in my arms all night.

When I woke up, Nicholas was already getting ready to go home. But before that, we had breakfast. We were eating doughnuts (not much of a breakfast choice, but it was OK).
That morning, my siblings were with Nicholas again. I wasn't in a good mood, because I wanted to be with him before he left. Seeing that expression on my face, Nicholas approached me and fed me a mocha-icing doughnut. Some icing was on my nose, and I wiped it off. The two of us started laughing. Then there was silence. Nicholas looked at me and gave me a kiss.

It was time for him to go home. I bid him farewell. We hugged and kissed good-by, even if my family was there to see.

-End-


NEW JICKS is an acronym of the names of a group of girls in our class. There are other groups such as the SLAP JERK (girl group), GAMER (boy group), and B-COLD (boy group). I'm the Miss Independent of our class for the fact that I have no group.

My [Imaginary] Outburst-- A Quarrel With The Mind

It's been a while since I have posted anything here on my blog. This is not a dream like most of my posts. But something that took place in reality.

Last night (April 29, 2009), as I was lying on my bed, thoughts that never before entered my mind bothered me. Maybe because I had experienced for the first time the pain of losing someone that I truly loved, or maybe it wasn't.
I had a strange outburst in my mind. I didn't speak of it to anyone. I kept it in my head, fearing that the members of my family would think that I was delirious or crazy. They would never understand my words if I had dared uttered them.
The quarrel in my head went on for about two hours. It ended at 10:30 in the evening. After that, I slept and had a dream. But that is a different post for this blog.

Here, I will share a few of the things that were bothering my thoughts. I shall also include an account on what happened to me last night. There are also a few hints on why this happened.



"I shall ask for nothing more! There is nothing I desire! Nye! Nothing can fill the emptiness of my heart now!" thought I with a grimace.
I felt at rage and at the same time depressed. Nothing seemed to please me at the moment. Nothing made me smile. Not the slightest trace of happiness could be seen on my face that night.

"I have been bereft of my love. My hope refuses to be rekindled." said a voice in my head. "Faith is only thing that keeps me alive now."
"Faith? Are you sure about that?" asked another voice ironically.

These two voices, both with the same note and pitch in which only the emotion of how they spoke in my head was the only thing that made them seem different from each other, were quarreling in my head!
I'll call them Voice1 and Voice2. OK, so maybe those names won't win me an award for "Best Names Chosen For Imaginary Voices", but at least they're... um... casual [?].

-Voice2 speaks first followed by Voice1-

"No. Of course not! I know you well enough to know that you have doubts about your own faith."
"Of course you know me well enough! We're ONE! But no. You are wrong about me having doubts about my faith."
"Well, if you say so! But I still know what your heart desires. See here, you're talking nonsense now. Ever since you got your heart broken, you act as if life is about to end as we know it! What happened to the girl who once promised herself that she would never let love ruin her?"
"Love has not ruined me. It has merely changed me a bit. That's all."
"A bit? A BIT? Are you kidding me?! You're not you anymore! You cry yourself to sleep thinking about HIM! You try to drown yourself with your books to forget about HIM. But it only makes you more sad when you read something that makes you remember all the moments you had together. What's worse is that you even tried to kill yourself, and you tell me that you've only changed a BIT?!"

Voice1 mutters something inaudible as if talking to herself. (Strange to think that a voice in my HEAD talks to itself).
I went to my room where no one could here me and said these to myself (and also to the two voices):

"I take no heed for my earthly desire to find the one who will be true anymore! Everything I see now seems useless and vague compared to what awaits me after I leave this mortal world.
Einstein was correct. He said, 'There are only 2 things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.' I fully support that statement of his, especially the part about humans."

I took a deep breath and went to my bed. Suddenly, I started crying. I knew that I still loved HeartKeeper so much.
This is the first time in such a long time that I have spoken of HeartKeeper. But yes. It is true. The two of us had to go our separate ways. It was the best for both of us.

-Another talk between Voice1 and Voice2. Voice1 speaks first-

"Oh! I was a fool! I loved him so, but why did I let him go?"
"The two of you made the right decision. It's for the best. Both of you will finally be able to concentrate on your studies now."
"No! That was not his reason!"
"No?"
"He said that he didn't understand me anymore."
"So?"
" 'So?' It's probably because he doesn't love me anymore! Oh! I am a fool! Such a fool!"
"Shut up! You are not a fool. He is!"
"But no. I cannot change anything now. It is over!"
"Listen to yourself! You shouldn't say things like that."
"I don't know who I am anymore."
"Remember Natasha Rostov, the central female character of War and Peace, the novel in which your father got your name?"
"Yes."
"Well, think about it. Your life is almost like hers."
"How so?"
"She falls in love for the first time; her first kiss. All this happened to her before her 14th name day. And did this happen to you, too?"
"Um, yes."
"She gets heart broken before her 15th name day. And this has happened to you, too."
"Yes. It has."
"Natasha's ending was a happy one. She found her true love. And you will, too. Trust yourself and have hope. Believe..."

The voices disappeared. My tears were still running down my cheeks. I was crying heavier. Then I went to my room again, and started to speak once more. Now with more tears in my eyes.

"If my friends heard the quarrel in my head, would they think that I was crazy? Or would they help me? For me, it's likely the first one. None of them ever accepted me for who I was. They tell other people lies about me. Some of them want me to change. If they saw me talking like this now, they would cast me aside like an outcast! They would never understand."

I dried my tears and started singing the chorus of the song I'm Still Here (Treasure Planet theme song) sang by John Rzeznik.

"I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on,
And feel I belong.
How can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here"

I really loved the song and sang into the bridge.

"They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleeping while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe."

But the part of the song that I really love is located in the first verse.

"... You don't know me, and I'll never be what you want me to be..."

After singing from my heart, I went back to bed, prayed, and was finally able to sleep.
Right now, it's raining. My day hasn't gotten better. But now, my hope is back and I'll never lose it again.

I Can't Lose You

Here's another one of my strange dreams. It felt real at first, but as the dream progressed, I started to feel that I was really in a dream. I admit that I cried when I woke up. I love HeartKeeper.


I was in my school just strolling around, looking for HeartKeeper. It was a special day for us, and we were supposed to go out together, but unfortunately, I couldn't find him. So I just kept on walking and walking around, eyeing every person I saw, looking in every direction possible, but still no sign of HeartKeeper. I was actually starting to get desperate. I lost control of myself and suddenly burst into tears, then I remembered that there was a program. I wiped my tears so none of my classmates would see me crying and decided to watch the program. It was a program related to sports.

Okay, so when I reached the small stairs near the high school faculty room I was shocked, like REALLY shocked! Why? Because when I was halfway down the stairs, some parts of quadrangle was water[!], bodies of water to be precise. If you looked at it from the 5th floor, it would look like an archipelago! And what made it weirder was the fact that there were professional swimmers in the water. "Oh-my-gosh." I said. The swimmers there even invited me to go into the water and swim with them, but I refused. Unfortunately for me, the swimmers were very persuasive. I had no choice. I went in the water for a little swim. Hey, wait! Remember the ring I mentioned on my other blog post, My Heart Will Always Be With You? Well, in this dream, it almost got LOST while I was swimming. Good thing this other swimmer (who was really going FAST!) caught my ring before it got lost into the deep abyss of the waters.

I was getting hungry. I looked at my watch and it was lunch time. Time to eat! But of course, HeartKeeper never left my mind while I was walking to my father's office (that's where I eat my lunch). When I entered my father's office, there was an eerie feeling in the air. It was silent. No one was in the secondary room of the office. That gave me a strange feeling. As I was approaching the primary room of the office, my heart started to beat faster and faster as if something bad was going to happen. When I opened the door, I was in a different place, I mean, the office seemed so different. I kissed the ring that HeartKeeper gave me. There were strange- and unfamiliar-looking people inside the office. I thought I could go off unnoticed, but I was wrong. Just as I was reaching out for my spoon and fork, the strange-looking people gave me a scary glare. Then one of the people I knew there approached me and told me that the people there were CRAZY (literally). When he told me that, I suddenly noticed that the people that gave me a scary glare were tied to their seats. "Oh... my... gosh..." I thought. I had to get away! I had to find someplace where I could feel safe! But... oh, no! Something was stopping me! This unknown force was trying to keep me from going outside. With the blink of an eye, my dad and the other people I knew were GONE[!], and the people strapped to their seats were loose! They were chasing me! I ran and ran but the door seemed so far away. Yes! I reached the door. "I'm out!" I shouted. But no. I wasn't out yet. I was in another place. There, I saw HeartKeeper and a few other people. I felt safe when I saw him, but after a while, the feeling of anxiety dominated me again! I turned around and the crazy people were there!! This time, they weren't only chasing me, but they were also chasing the other people with me, including HeartKeeper! After minutes of hiding, running, and chasing, the crazy people decided to burn the place. I was suffocating worse than the others (I have asthma). HeartKeeper was becoming weaker and weaker by the second. While I was helping him get out of the fire, I was crying. "I love you" I told him, but he was too weak to respond.

The smoke was getting thicker. I could barely see anything! Then... we got out! Finally! But just then, I heard the screams of my friends that were still in the flames. I made HeartKeeper sit down and tried to get the others out, but I was TOO late. Out of the 14 people there (including HeartKeeper and I), only 5 of us (HeartKeeper, me, and 3 others) got out in time. The others, well, they... DIED!

I felt so worthless! I couldn't even save the others. Just then, I remembered HeartKeeper. I was aimlessly looking for him AGAIN! But I found him. I hugged him tightly and kissed him, but he pushed me back and walked away as if trying to tell me that it was over between the two of us. After that, well, I woke up!


Okay, so now I guess you know why I cried when I woke up. And if any of you noticed, my dream isn't about Alpha_AC anymore. Yeepee!


My love, my HeartKeeper,

I hope we settle our differences soon. I can't live a day without you and your smile. I'm sorry for everything, and thank you also.
HeartKeeper... promise me... promise that you'll never leave. Promise me that you will always be there for me and only me, and I'll do the same.
The oaths I made will never be broken. I hope yours will never be broken too. But the oaths we made together will remain eternal promises of love. Love that will never be shattered as long as we are true to each other. Though hindrances may come, though times of arguments and misunderstandings may bother our days, our love will be as everlasting as an ocean of immortality that will constantly provide every creature with life that never ends, or as constant as the Northern Star, Polaris, that helps every being in this world find their way when they are lost under the utter darkness of the night sky.
To these words I will remain true. I hope you do too.

Le melon, meleth nin. Linnon am meleth vin. Le melon.

~oceanmist~

POST UPDATE! (April 3, 2010)

I still can't believe I was so obsessed! Damn!

What Must I do?

What Must I Do?
Poem by: Isabelle Natasha D. Torres
~This poem is for you HeartKeeper


Would you be happy if I was dead?
Because I always see you sad while I still live.
So many thoughts are running through my head.
Now I'm hesitating what sacrifice I should give.

Is there a way for me
So that the light of happiness you will see?
And not leave you wandering sad and alone
Like a star in the deep, dark unknown.

My happiness depends on you,
For you have been the only one that was true.
But if I can't give you the equal amount,
It might be best for me to start my life's "count."

What must I do
If simple things I couldn't give to you?
I couldn't even heal your broken heart
When it was struck by a large damn dart.

Tell me now,
Tell me soon,
Tell me quick,
What must I do?


My Dearest HeartKeeper,

I wrote this poem just after we had our little argument about "you-know-what." I know I haven't been able to give you the happiness that you needed, and I'm sorry for that. Every day, I can see you happy when you're with your friends. That made me think "Does he really need me?" Ever since then, I've been haunted by that very thought every single moment since I fell in love with you.
I can see you dying inside each time you see me happy with other people, and I've been dying for the same reason. Why can't we just find a way to give each other joy to last a lifetime? I live now only for you and for God. I always pray to Our Almighty Creator that he give me the strength and courage to show you that you are not alone in this world. But I still don't have that strength. I still haven't gained that courage. I know God has heard my prayer. Maybe this isn't the time that He has chosen for me to gain what I have asked for. I'll be patient, and you should be patient too.

I love you, my dear. I love you so much.

Yours forever,
oceanmist

POST UPDATE! (April 3, 2010)

I am SOOOOOO NOT HIS ANYMORE! Especially not "FOREVER"! Ew!

A Time For Us (Forbidden Love)

A Time For Us
song by Nino Rota

A time for us someday there'll be
When chains are torn by courage born of a love that's free
A time when dreams so long denied
Can flourish as we unveil the love me now must hide

A time for us at last to see
A life worthwhile for you and me

And with our love through tears and thorns
We will endure as we pass surely through every storm
A time for us someday there'll be
A new world, a world of shining hope for you and me

A time for us at last to see
A life worthwhile for you and me

And with our love through tears and thorns
We will endure as we pass surely through every storm
A time for us someday there'll be
A new world, a world of shining hope for you and me


Un giorno sa, per noi verra
La liberta di amarci qui senza limiti
E fiorira il sogno a noi negato
Si svelera l'amor celato ormai
Un giorno sai, per vivere

La vita che ci sfugge qui
L'amore in noi superera
Gli ostacoli e le maree delle avversita
E ci sara anche per noi nel mondo
Un tempo in cui l'amore vincera
Per te per me

L'amore in noi superera
Gli ostacoli e le maree delle avversita
E ci sara anche per noi nel mondo
Un tempo in cui l'amore vincera
Un tempo in cui l'amore vincera

Love is something that we can't avoid in life. It sometimes just hits us like a bullet and we won't even know it hit us. We'll only realize it until we feel the pain.
One of the things that hurts most about love is when there are so many hindrances. People telling you that he/she isn't the right person for you or that you should just forget about him/her because you two don't look good together. It sometimes makes you want to stand up to the person who's saying that and say "Well, too bad for you because I love him/her! You can't dictate what my heart is saying. I don't care if we don't look good together! All I know is that I love him/her and that's all that matters!" Although sometimes we choke before even getting to say anything. But you'll notice one thing when you're in love. You'll notice that whenever you're with that person, both of you will feel like all of your worries are gone. You'll completely forget about the other people who are against you two because there's only the two of you in the world.
Why should we let anyone tell us that the person we chose wasn't right for us? Yes, they might be right, but they could be wrong too. How would they know if God has chosen that person for you? They're not all-knowing, so we shouldn't let them get us down.

To those who have gotten their hearts broken, don't go saying that that would be the last time you'll fall in love. There are over a billion people in this world who will cherish you and care for you more than the person who hurt you. Getting hurt is just part of the lives given to us by God. Nothing is perfect. If everything was perfect then we'd totally forget about our Almighty Creator. If the person you loved hurt you, then that means he/she isn't the person that God has fated for you. Remember, there's a time for everything. Let's just be patient. Don't let love kill you, and don't become an EMO because of it.


~FORBIDDEN LOVE~
poem by Isabelle Natasha Torres
This is for you HeartKeeper.

They don't understand...
They keep thinking of ways to separate us.
But they will never succeed.
We will walk through this world with courage in our hearts.
Love will never fade as long as there is faith.

Who are they to dictate our hearts?
Who are they, the ones who keep tearing us apart?
Do they not know that we live because of love?
The love of the Son of our God from above?

They have made this more complicated for us.
It was already complicated before.
Now, we are not allowed to speak with one another.
They have put a barrier between us.
They have made this a forbidden love.

When there is only you and me,
We're in a world that they could never see.
But time is short in our paradise
As other people roll the dice.

It is a risk for us to be seen together in public.
Both of us would have to pay a price.
But I would gladly pay this price no matter what,
Even if my own life was the sacrifice.

Someday, we'll find a way
So that this forbidden love would go away.
For love is something very rare
If your heart you do not learn share.

God will find a way,
When there seems to be no way.
Let us face this world hand-in-hand,
As we walk through this cruel land.

Oh, forbidden love, I beg of you,
Stop being forbidden for us two.

Forbidden Love, we plead that you will never stay
And with the doves, please, fly away.